Ineffable Ontological Detanglement > Relationships > Romantic

If you feel you are unable to escape falling in love with the thing you hate, you always gravitate to abusive relationships, yes you have one of those internal problems. There is a source, it looks mysterious but it is never mysterious. You see a certain quality in a person that makes you declare this person your type, then it turns out he is an abusive asshole. If you don't like it, then it's simply due to your perception being clouded by the construction of your ego and you must take it apart and look at it. You want to hit it. You want to hit it but you can't hit it.

There is no need to cling to your "type" if you reside within an improperly constructed ego, it is not necessarily the type of person your soul cries out for. If you like it, absorbing abuse fills you with warmth, likely sexual warmth, you still have an internal problem, you can either sort it out and become a normal or just keep driving this life into the dirt until God fixes it for you. You don't want to do bedroom dominance play with the emotional day to day aspects of your relationship. You can obviously peek at them but you don't want want to drown yourself in them. If you're peeking at them it's best you're honest about it, you do it together, you're both on the same page.

If your "type" is a man you wish to fix, your ego is deeply flawed and you must sort it out now before your kind gentle personality drives itself into oblivion. When you're done you will find what you used to be and why is still shaping who you are, perhaps you are to be a psychiatrist or social worker. Leave your love life to people you like, this isn't what love is for.

Now, even though we believe in astrology, we don't think you should go approaching your relationships with your first thought being astrology. Don't ask them what their sign is, the sun sign is such a vague and incomplete picture, you're not really getting a good understanding of this person. You're probably not going to find a perfect relationship, don't think the key to finding a perfect relationship is to invoke magic, it's only going to leave you disappointed. Your astrology is a thing you can marvel at after you've found this relationship seems to be working. No matter how detailed your understanding of the person's astrology is, it isn't really going to tell you anything about their compatibility with you, you can easily end up hating somebody who checks all the right boxes, somebody who looks incompatible may turn out to be very desirable. Don't look for any kind of compatibility formats thinking they are the foolproof solution, they're not going to find you love, though of course you may get lucky finding love within a compatibility format, chances are you're just going to find someone who will do, someone you're comfortable around.

Compatibility formats then obviously goes to dating websites. It's fine to try, as I said you may get lucky finding somebody within a compatibility format, and if you're desperate enough to just go putting yourself out there to a bunch of randoms your best bet is probably to do it within a compatibility format, it may work out for you, it'll most likely end up landing on this person will do. That was one of my cousin's wedding reception lines after becoming concerned about this relationship life thing in her forties and trying a compatibility format website. "This guy'll do." It didn't work out, turns out approaching people within a compatibility format is pretty much just as likely to produce an asshole as approaching people without one.

Now, if we have managed to convince you of free love... You don't want to be the kind of person who's just constantly on the lookout for love partners, oh now I've collected a new girlfriend and a new one and a new one. There is still a certain communication in this action, none of the love I have is good enough for me. Doing this with superficial sex partners, obviously, this shouldn't offend anybody.

Comfortable free love is taking it when it presents itself, you've found a new person that you love, now you don't have to hide it from the other people you still love. When you're lonely, alone, that's when you go looking for the love, that's when you go on a mission to find love. You're probably not going to pull it off, the odds are not in your favour that you're suddenly just going to find a person that you're actually enamored with and not forcing, but, you know, they might do, for now.

You have lots of love and yet you're still on the lookout, you're filling a hole, you're making the rest of us free love people look ridiculous.

The position of favourite is obviously still a thing that causes jealousy. The one that's untouchable, the one that in some ways is still my property. With a lack of ego investment, there shouldn't be any desire to go around fucking with people's feelings for the sake of your own feelings, however every now and then, of course, the situation will present itself that somebody has found a new favourite. In these moments, things are still pretty bad, but they're not as bad as they used to be, the love of the other doesn't need to be dropped, they can just become lower in the emotional inventory. If it was what you thought to be an untouchable favourite, nothing could ever possibly break this favourite it's too perfect, obviously you may well require a finished. It's too hard to look at this person.

Seven year itch pop psychology is something that almost sort of hits. Almost. It's not entirely true, if you feel it you probably picked somebody boring and you probably picked somebody boring because you're boring, probably. Or you... Lived a life of superficial sex, society told you to get married, so you chose one of your emotionally nothing to you facebodies, it doesn't seem to be doing anything for you, so you're going to require the superficial sex pop psychology concept. You want to be a free love hippie, you know you do, but that's fucking ridiculous who does that, I'll just find a new one and fuck only that one until I hate her too, repeat repeat repeat until my penis don't work no more.

People change, you don't like who this person is anymore you liked what she was before, oh well, society is telling you you're locked in but you are not locked in. The main problem lies in that in the beginning stages you didn't speak up about the things you disliked to keep the peace. If you ever find yourself doing that, it's only going to snowball. You're approaching relationships wrong, society tells you you need to find your permanent, when you think you've found your permanent you need to work at it, within yourself you need to find whatever you need to find to make it work, you need to repress everything you need to repress that may harm the relationship. Society's conception of proper relationships is only ever destined to create the seven year itch. You can do it, you can have relationships with people towards which you have complaints. The solution is never repression.

Obviously oversimplified, you try to look at biological data in order to perfectly package and present a perfect format. You should know that if you're making leaps to make it elegant the whole thing is going to fall apart. Some people find their perfect enough partner, and even when they're no longer enamored they're comfortable, they have no complaints. You may be bored of the physical aspects, but this has nothing to do with the perfectly packaged biological seven year itch. Any urges to fuck another because you've exhausted all your angles can either be solved the society way, fantasy... Or rejecting society.

Most people will approach relationships with "Are you going to validate my ego? Are you going to serve me?" Women do it, men do it worse. Men are being criticized for it, women are being praised for it. Glorified for it, it's seen as beautiful state of mind a wonderful new age enlightened state of being. Now we get to be healthy happy people by doing the thing to our partners that we've always hated having done to us. It creates a lot of uncomfortable tension in a relationship, you're never going to feel yourself equalized with your partner, it will always be a give and take.

The ego uninvested don't need to worry about this feeling... They damn well better find another ego uninvested or their relationships will always fail. To the rest of you, if you want out of this uncomfortable tension and wish to equalize with your partner, you must both fix your filters. An ego uninvested, before they start having relationships, may think they want a partner who gushes over them, but they will learn by day one this feels really gross. We still love the romance, but we love it because it's pretty, not because it serves. This act pretty much means the same as our day to day existence. If this act doesn't mean the same as your day to day existence, you sit there all night in a weird little uncomfortable float.

If your natural position is superior to your partner and nobody is dwelling on it, that's just the way it is, then I guess that's just the way it is. However if you are ever TRYING to find ways in which you are superior to your partner, you are not really in a relationship, you are removing yourself from your relationship. Even if it's true, if you bring it up in a way that is serious you are removing yourself from your relationship. This is no longer a partnership, this is a twisted competition of egos, this relationship is nothing, your partner can no longer trust you and really should dump you with a vengeance.

You probably never really loved her, you probably only loved the fact that she loved you... You probably tried to love her, but if you really looked at it you probably would have found you only loved her because she loved you. What you were doing is far far more emotionally damaging than you would know, however luckily for you there's a good chance your partner probably did not see the depths as well, as there's a pretty good chance she was ego invested as well and this kind of thing feels a little more normal. It is an ego entrapment, she was not your love she was your victim.

A lot of relationships... The two of you are making each other your victim. There should never be a hint of "Because you love me" in your love. "And you love me" should simply be a happy comfortable compliment to your baseline state of being together, your love should never intertwine in this manner. It can't really be done with ego investment, not all the way, however it can be done to the point that you don't really notice. Get rid of it, you'll find out you noticed, semi-consciously. "Because you love me" is causing a lot of you to cling to somebody you do not love.

Concern over loving yourself more than your partner is an entirely different issue than properly aligned levels of love. Love for the self and love for another are entirely different feelings. The issue you are having is some other thing, some other thing that should be cross solved by the rest of this website. It's: You hate yourself. Acknowledgement of your own worth to society and your partner's worth to society is another issue entirely, and if it's real it's real, you don't need to hurt yourself over it.

I guess this is more of a statement than advice, as, my advice is don't be this. Everybody who's reading the work of The Society of Social Disturbance will eventually come to the conclusion don't be this. Anybody who seems to be stuck in this listen to Aria Wellington. And me. But also Aria Wellington.

When it comes to cheating, all I have to say is "It's not hard." From your perspective, this is the way it is, relationships are one with one and this is permanent, you're willing to incur the deepest of societal implanted darkness over satisfying your penis when all it is is hedonistic urges... Hedonistic urges that TEAR FAMILIES APART SCAR CHILDREN FOR LIFE MAKE YOUR WIFE UNABLE TO TRUST ANOTHER PERSON EVER AGAIN!! From your perspective you want sex and so you're going to destroy so many people outside of you. It's obviously the little urge inside of you that says you know society is wrong, but, you're weak, and chances are you are completely 100% unaware of the nature of this urge. Making such a leap over hedonistic urges, but, okay, you're weak. You're weak and you're a prisoner of society.

When you are in love with somebody else and it isn't a matter of satisfying hedonistic urges, I cannot find any way to respect the urge to be dishonest... It's still society falling down upon you, telling you this entire situation is wrong, all wrong, you want another and so you are awful. This is a feeling you can bypass entirely by just telling the official one that it's over. Sneaking around behind a person's back, lies, paranoid feelings... Entirely unnecessary. There's no need to remain in the darkness, suppressing feelings, even if it's all because of society telling you not to do this. Oohhh darkness darkness darkness, lies and deceit, feelings feelings feelings, dark dark feelings, twisting yourself into self hatred knowing you are dirt, knowing you are destroying so many lives... Because you want to find a new relationship or satisfy your penis. It's all society, but you're the one choosing to drown this concept in total darkness by engaging in society's feelings. Drown the other person in darkness knowing they are engaging in society's feelings. If you need to crush love you can crush love, it's a hell of a lot better than maintaining false love keeping your partner in a dream world where she is the star of your life. Or, you could bypass this entire dramatic darkness entirely by acknowledging that it's okay to love more than one person simultaneously.

You have three options: Find ways to satisfy your penis with your wife, acknowledge societal stupidity, or SCREEEECHING DARKNESS HATRED HORROR LIFE ENDING DESTRUCTION. I'm in society in order to explain to you the world you are currently living in, obviously the answer is reject the world you are currently living in.

With love, I'm telling you you damn well better not fuck around, end it with the one who is official the second you understand this one satisfies your needs better than the one who is official and so you wish to begin a relationship. Again, to give you this I need to be within stupid society. With meaningless sex, I'm only telling you you're weak, one of the deepest of weaknesses. I want Aria Wellington to say what she has to say about your weakness, yes, I want it. All my mind will let me say is that you're weak.

I'm going to be brutally honest with you. You don't all have a soul mate, you don't all have a perfect partner. You don't. It is not the nature of our reality that every soul comes with a perfect indestructible match and your mission is to find them. Most of you must submit to the fact that all of your relationships will be imperfect, and so the only logical solution is that you allow them to be fluid. Becoming less enamored and finding another does not mean you must give up on the love of the first, the first simply drops in the order. Some are blessed, some are rewarded, it's mysterious, it's mysterious that you could ever find somebody so forever perfect... You don't all get to have a perfect, most of you must settle for at the very most a fantastic.

Being rewarded with a perfect partner is obviously a complicated issue. Sometimes even the best of you will never have one. Sometimes those subpar will get to have one. It isn't the highest of karmatic rewards for being a God valued person, not at all. It's just a thing that happens. Sometimes one is more perfect to one than one is to the other and it creates a difficult situation. Sometimes you're perfect together for reasons beyond and above your own satisfaction.

If you stop clinging to the potential impossible idealized, you'll be much more comfortable in your relationships. Fights won't devastate you, the idea of the person leaving you won't draw you to feelings of suicide.